I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
