i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
