I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
