Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
