He uses pillows to masturbate.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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