ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
