omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Randomize
