you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
