Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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