is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
