Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
