pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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