3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
