he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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