how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
