I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
