You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
