Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
