If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
