And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
