I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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