You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
