and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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