Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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