My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I bet he comes in French.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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