she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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