Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
