so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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