Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
