There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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