I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The beer is more important than you right now.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
