ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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