I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
You took a bar mat shot.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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