wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
