ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
