You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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