i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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