Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
