You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
