i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Randomize
