1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
