he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
