Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
