she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am available for nakedness
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