I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
