just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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