dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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