So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
