I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Randomize
