I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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