she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
