I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
