My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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