Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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