Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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