Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
