Yo dont text me then not text me
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
