no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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